Post Traumatic Stress After Mod Success

[feellost]

So I just wrapped up two successful modifications (1st and 2nd mortgages) after almost 2 years of trying. At the same time I was dealing with the modifications, I was also going through a difficult divorce and a couple of other issues. Within the past couple of months, everything got resolved in a positive way. The modifications were finalized on Friday when I mailed back the signed documents. So almost at once, everything that was stressing me out is gone. I am extremely happy and relieved, but I don't think my brain realizes that the nightmare is over. I find that I'm decompressing very slowly, kind of like I can't believe it's true, or I don't know how not to be stressed, or I've forgotten my old "normal" self. Anyone else feel that way? Is that kind of weird? I may be exaggerating here, but it made me think of people who are just back from war zones and adjusting to normal life again :-) I think I need a vacation to unwind and find myself again.

[Moe Bedard]

This is normal and the great thing is that you have "recognized" it. That is the first step in healing.

You were technically in a battle to save what you know as your life for 2 whole years. A daily struggle just to make it was fought week to week for a long time. This a lot for anyone to handle and when the battle stops, your mind is still in that fight mode. Commonly known as fight or flight. It was a literal battle that you fought with your mind, body and soul for two years. There were wounds happening that you did not see or feel until now.

Sorrow, hurt, fight, sleeplessness and anger did its work on your mind. As with any wound, time heals them all with proper care and health. Also, if there is no pain, there is no gain in our lives.

Start exercising to get that energy out and find things to do that help you better your life with that time you used to use to fight for all you got

[feellost]

Thanks for understanding, Moe. That is exactly what must be going on with me. I think some people would have lost their mind in the process, or would have at least become depressed. I knew I couldn't afford that because I had to show strength for my kids' sake. So even after sleepless nights I'd put on a happy face for them as they leave for school, and act cheerful with colleagues and clients at work. When the mods were done, I was ecstatic but had no one who truly understood because I didn't share my problems with those around me. I told the kids over dinner that I got some good news about the mortgages and everything is going to work out with the house. Their answer? "Cool! Can I go to the mall tomorrow?" LOL! It's great that they weren't that concerned (that's what I wanted), but shows you that I was carrying the entire load by myself, and they were so clueless as to the extent of our problems that they would have been devasted if things didn't work out. Anyway, enough venting. I'm sure I'll be fine. This site gave me hope, led me to e-mailing B. Desoer, and eventually to using naca which led to my successful modifications. Thank you all for what you do.

[AZOwner]

feellost: I am thrilled that you were able to get permanent mods for your home, and glad that you can begin the healing.

You were never alone . . . although it felt like it many times I am sure. Please hang around here with us, while you heal, and help with supporting others that are also in this fight.

Take care, God Bless

[Riley18]

feellost, Congratulations on everything working out so well for you. I do think I understand your feelings because we are all so wrung out by the banks especially for you having to go two years with this nightmare. Just today as I was leaving the gym I tried to imagine how it would feel if I did not have to live with this dread all the time. I really could not imagine how that feels anymore, so there has to be some transition time for all of us. It won't really matter whether the outcome is positive or negative because either way we will need to have time to get over all this stress. To feel "normal" again. Good luck and please stick around

[feellost]

I totally agree with your point. If the mod didn't work I would have to be looking for a place to go, and trying to pack up a huge house and move with 4 kids. Just thinking of it used to paralyze me with fear. So the healing would have had to take a backseat to that. But having said that, the waiting and not knowing is the hardest part, and whether the outcome is positive or negative, at least we would have closure. There were many times when I wanted to give up and find a rental in the same school district, just to get it over with. There is so much we postpone during this process while our lives are on hold. My kitchen needs a paint job, my daughter needs a larger bed, etc. I just didn't want to do anything while the modification was pending because 1) I didn't want to spend money on the house if I was going to walk away and 2) I couldn't get certain things because I wasn't sure if they would fit in whatever new house. I also was saving money to pay off credit card debts but was afraid to pay off the full amounts in case I needed the cash to try and buy another house before the foreclosure wrecked my credit. Pretty soon, I will be absolutely debt free, except for my mortgage payments. What a feeling that will be! I will check in with you guys from time to time to support others who are still going through the process. There's nothing like having someone's ear who's been there and can relate.

[MichiganBlues]

Originally Posted by feellost

I think I need a vacation to unwind and find myself again.

If you can afford it, go for it!! Stimulate the economy for the rest of us poor schlubs.

Congratulations on your victory and thanks for letting us know. Very happy for you! Hope you get that kitchen painted soon.

[Moe Bedard]

You're welcome and thanks for sharing your struggles here with others. In helping yourself, you help others by telling your story and being real with us all. This encourages others to join in and do the same.

That is paying it forward and the most we can ask of you. Thanks!!

Peace