What do you tell the neighbors?

**Enough Already** · 03-24-2009, 07:03 PM

My husband and I were just out for a walk in the neighborhood and we ran into a 5 different neighbors. They're all so nice and friendly and ask how we're doing etc. I don't know what to tell them. Many of our neighbors have lived in their house for years, and are not underwater. They're all such nice people, and I feel sort of bad bailing out on them.

Our departure will be coming out of left field. We haven't listed our house for sale or anything, although we may do it once we've moved out, just to see if a short sale might happen, but we're not going to hold our breath.

Anyway, I'm just not sure what to say the neighbors. Any advice?

**kent302** · 03-25-2009, 08:51 AM

Hi EA,
Interesting question, I feel your pain.
We don't look forward to dealing with it in a few months. However, we are only on casual terms with neighbors, just a greeting or hello. Don't even know their names.
My thoughts, with regards to acquaintances, I think less said about personal finance is better. For me it will be, "Don't explain, don't complain.".
If I tell them walking is a way of saving our retirement and being able to help my sons' college costs. Neigbors with a ton of equity may feel bitter or blame you as if you are spreading the plague. The ones that cannot walk for whatever reason may also shift their anger on you. Maybe they are already behind on their mtg. What's the point?

We did not cause theis mess - plenty of "masters" were in positons to prevent this catastrophe failed their fudiciary and civic duties. Blame them.
The horses are out of the barn.

Once, I told my former boss how easy it was for us to buy a new house. Boy, did his face get twisted up and our relationship was different after that.
When I sold that house in 2007, just week before the credit crisis froze the market. My former neighbor gave me crap about selling too cheap - was he wrong!

Kent

**Enough Already** · 03-25-2009, 04:55 PM

Hi Kent,
Thanks for your reply. I agree, the less said about personal finances the better. That in mind, should I tell them we're moving, or do we just pack up and leave in the middle of the night? Or, would it better to list the house, maybe it will short sell, and then move out?

**kent302** · 03-25-2009, 05:38 PM

EA, I was hoping to learn from you, we don't have to cross that bridge for a few months yet.

What would I do?
I may stall for as long as possible to minimize the awkward period. I wouldn't volunteer information unless asked. There isn't a need to know. I mean, they're not going to have contact with you after this is done. Unless they are like real friends then they should understand.
Two of my neighbors left quietly, we have no clue if they did it due to financial hardship or other reasons. Same difference.
-kent

**Enough Already** · 03-25-2009, 06:41 PM

Hi Kent,

I'm not too far into my walk away. We missed our first payment in Feb 2009, so we've got a way to go still. I've been wondering about how best to handle this aspect of it for a while, but I haven't come up with a good plan yet. We're not close with our neighbors, but a couple of them are very friendly, always ask about the kids etc. The neighbors look out for each other. It's that kind of a neighborhood, which is one of the reasons we decided to buy a house here. Too bad a friendly neighborhood doesn't pay the bills.

I'm surprised this isn't a topic of more interest to people. I try not to think too much about what others will think, but sometimes I can't help it.

Thanks, for your replies!

**nana8** · 03-25-2009, 07:09 PM

EA & Kent-
I think we are a little ahead of you in this game, timewise. Got our NOD, in 1 week we will be 4 months behind, waiting to hear about the sale date.
I have been contemplating what to tell some of the neighbors that we are closest to, and frankly when to tell them that we will be moving. I think most will be rather sympathetic as our area has ALOT of foreclosure sales. There are currently 76 houses in our township in Illinois (a roughly 6 mile radius) for sale....39 are foreclosures.
We have another house to move into in Kentucky, so we will be doing that slowly as we wait. I'm sure they will notice us moving stuff out on the weekends. If asked I guess the best answer will be the truth. We need to let this house go before we totally go under. We are already under water, but refuse to go down with a sinking ship!
Good luck to you both

**RimToRimHiker** · 03-25-2009, 08:29 PM

EA: This is definitely a topic of interest to me. Thanks for bringing it to the front burner.

This has weighed very heavy on my mind. We live on a cul de sac. Our old house was on a semi-busy street. The traffic was a pain at times and made the house difficult to sell. Although we lived there 20 years, we only got close to one of our neighbors and that friendship continues. Buying a house on a street that had very little traffic was on our list of priorities when we bought. Everyone in the cul de sac is very friendly...weekly BBQs when weather permits, special block parties for Super Bowl, New Year's Eve, etc. My husband is a carpenter and has done existence remodeling for one of the neighbors. We've watched each other's pets when we go out of town. The neighbors know my husband was laid off from his carpentry job a year ago. I have started to drop small hints that we are having financial challenges. Like many of EA's neighbors, most of ours have been here for quite a while. Many are original owners. Except for one other couple that bought in 2007, the rest bought prior to the boom. I've thought about having a get together right before we move and briefing explaining the situation and thanking them for being such nice neighbors, a couple of which I would like to remain friends with. My DH thinks we should just move and say nothing because it's none of their business what we do.

We've got about 4 or 5 months to decide how to handle the disclosure to our neighbors. I will be anxiously watching for insight from folks who have already been there.

**civilguy** · 03-26-2009, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by RimToRimHiker

EA: This is definitely a topic of interest to me. Thanks for bringing it to the front burner.

This has weighed very heavy on my mind. We live on a cul de sac. Our old house was on a semi-busy street. The traffic was a pain at times and made the house difficult to sell. Although we lived there 20 years, we only got close to one of our neighbors and that friendship continues. Buying a house on a street that had very little traffic was on our list of priorities when we bought. Everyone in the cul de sac is very friendly...weekly BBQs when weather permits, special block parties for Super Bowl, New Year's Eve, etc. My husband is a carpenter and has done existence remodeling for one of the neighbors. We've watched each other's pets when we go out of town. The neighbors know my husband was laid off from his carpentry job a year ago. I have started to drop small hints that we are having financial challenges. Like many of EA's neighbors, most of ours have been here for quite a while. Many are original owners. Except for one other couple that bought in 2007, the rest bought prior to the boom. I've thought about having a get together right before we move and briefing explaining the situation and thanking them for being such nice neighbors, a couple of which I would like to remain friends with. My DH thinks we should just move and say nothing because it's none of their business what we do.

We've got about 4 or 5 months to decide how to handle the disclosure to our neighbors. I will be anxiously watching for insight from folks who have already been there.

Wow that is pretty tough. We had a really tight knit neighborhood too, right in a cul de sac. Nearly everyone bought their houses waaay back in the eighties or early nineties. One of the neighbors was really pissed that we were moving because he liked our family and is worried about riff raff moving into our house. The other's were shocked but understanding. We told them that we were moving closer to our jobs in South Orange County, but I'm sure they knew we were letting the house go. I'm am somewhat glad that we didnt' establish tighter bonds w/ the neighbors in the 3 yrs we lived there, otherwise walking out would be much more awkward.

**KT in CA** · 03-26-2009, 03:12 PM

We live in a court. The other night my husband told one of the neighbors what is happening. He was very supportive, and said he knows 6 other families that this is happening to. He offered to help us move or whatever we needed. One other neighbor walked away last November. The others I guess we will just wait to tell. We are only on speaking terms with the neighbors on either side of us. They will figure it out soon enough. One look over the fence at the empty pool should get them thinking...

**Enough Already** · 03-26-2009, 05:37 PM

LOL - the empty pool might tip them off!

There are other subdivisions around, new construction homes, where it seems that about 1/3 are in some stage of preforeclosure, short sale, or foreclosed. I keep thinking how much easier it would be to live in one of those neighborhoods right now. Everyone would understand over there, for sure.